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Sunday, August 1, 2010

My super awesome week! (not.)

Well, normally I don't like to bitch about my life. But this week was pretty spectacular.

so last sunday, I get a whole crap load of mouth sores. Weird. I only get them when I'm stressed usually. But county fair is gettin into full swing so I guess it was somewhat understandable.

but then on tuesday, my jaw and lymph nodes and throat swelled up. Weirder. My mouth sores still weren't better (and I'd been medicating them). But maybe it was allergies I thought.

Say hello to saturday. My mouthsores were worse. My throat and jaw was still swollen. So I'm headed to the doctor.

Well he has no idea whats wrong with me. So he says "I'm just gonna say you have sinusitis and you need these pills and these pills."

Great. I still have no clue whats wrong. Or even if these pills are working.

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Rose Lips (another college prompt story)

I'm not sure if anyone still reads. But if you do, enjoy :

Rose Lips

                He remembered the way she used to smile.  The smile that pulled him in from the first moment he saw it. The smile that he kissed at their wedding. The smile she gave him after her first time.  He loved it. The way one corner would twitch and turn up before the other corner followed. The way her teeth slowly appeared from behind her naturally rose-colored lips. The way her nose would crinkle for a millisecond before she dipped her head and hid it away under a sheet of white-gold hair. The way she only smiled for him.
It was gone now.
It was his fault. He knew it. He was never there when she needed him.
She never complained. She never failed to have dinner set when he got home, no matter how late, no matter her own day. She never complained about the smell of burning houses that seemed to follow him home even after he rinsed off at the station. She always woke up when his pager went off to see him out the door. She always waited up for him to come home. She always loved him.
He’d come home from work in a foul mood, and there she’d be, in all her perfection, with that smile and dinner. Asking him how his day was, if he needed anything, regardless of the day she had. At first, it warmed him and banished troubles. But after awhile, he started to hate himself for not being able return her love as easily as she gave it. It began to drive him into deeper moods.
                Her smiles began to fade. She stopped asking what he needed, how his day was. But dinner was always there, and she would sit silently beside him, keeping her head down as she ate. Occasionally looking at him when she thought he wasn’t watching. The pain and confusion in her eyes broke his heart. She couldn’t understand why he was angry with her. He wanted to take her in his arms and tell her everything. That it wasn’t her fault. That he loved her more than himself. That he only wanted to love her like she loved him. But he couldn’t. So instead he picked fights, trying to justify his actions by provoking her into screaming at him.
                Any other woman would have left. But she wasn’t any other woman. That’s why he married her. She was faithful to the end no matter how bitter.
Still she never so much as raised her voice. She just quietly replied to all his angry questions and accusations with a soft tremble in her voice. Eventually he would give up and leave her alone. She would leave the room quietly and go to their bedroom. Even with the door closed he could hear her small sobs. They seemed to echo off the walls and in the corners of their one bedroom apartment.
                He’d sit in the living room and try to drown out the sound with the television, but the sound haunted him until his pager went off and he was deafened by the screaming of the fire-truck’s siren and the hissing and crackling of a building in flames, or until he was asleep.
                Today was no different. She sat beside him at the table, silent. Dinner was delicious, as usual. He’d had a long day, he could tell by her face, she had too. But she pushed it aside for him, like always.
                “Is dinner ok?” she asked very softly.
                “Fine.” He said, mid mouthful.
                She scooped a small bite into her mouth and chewed it for a long time.
                “Can I get you anymore tea?” She asked. His glass was only a quarter empty.
                Again she chewed a very small bite slowly.
                “How was work?” her face never left the plate.
                “Fine.” He shoveled a large mouthful of food into his mouth. Slowly she pushed away from the table, her food only half gone. “Aren’t you going to finish that? You’ve barely eaten anything. You hardly eat anything these days.” Inside he cringed at how angry his voice was.
                “I-“ she paused and looked away from him. “I’m just not hungry tonight.”
                “You weren’t hungry last night either. Or the night before that.  Did you decide to be anorexic now or something?” He hated how snide he sounded.
                “No!” she said hurridly. “I’m- I just don’t feel hungry these days.” He could hear the defeat in her voice. He turned back to his food, unable to look her in the eye But he couldn’t stop.
                “Well go see a doctor or something. You’re acting like a freak these days!”  Bile rose in the back of his throat, he’d never called her a name before. He heard the plate drop and a choked sob escape her lips. Those rose lips. He turned angrily to her. “Oh what now?!” He asked, knowing he’d gone too far.    
But she surprised him.
                “I’m acting like a freak?” She asked, accusation in her eyes, tears streaming down her cheeks. Another sob escaped her mouth. “I’m acting like a freak? What about you?!”  Tears streamed freely down her face. “Everything I do anymore is wrong! Wrong when it used to be right!”
                He couldn’t think of anything to say. Couldn’t think what to do. She’d never reacted before.
                “Every day you come home angry! And I try! I try so hard to make you happy! But instead you’re mean and more angry!” She stepped over the mess her plate made. “All I want is you to talk to me! What the hell do I have to do to get you to talk to me?!”
“I do talk to you!” he said, staggering to his feet.
“No you don’t! You yell at me! Your fight with me! It’s not the same! That’s not talking!” her body was wrenched with another sob.
“I can’t fight with someone who won’t even reply!” He shouted.
“Go ahead! Blame it on me!” She cried, taking another step toward him. “For three years I clean this shitty apartment!” She shoved a chair and tipped it over. “I make your favorite dinners!” His plate skidded off the table and smashed against the wall. “And I don’t complain! I don’t complain when you come home at all hours of the night! I don’t complain about how I worry that one day you won’t come home! All I want is for you to love me again but you won’t! You won’t! Why won’t you love me again?”
                “How could you say that?! I’ve always-.“ His pager went off.
                Her eyes snapped to where it sat on the corner of the table. He saw the fire fade from her eyes. He saw her shoulder slump. Her mouth fell into a straight line. She bowed her head, defeated. Tears ran. It had to stop. He had to change before he lost her.
                The pager beeped incessantly, demanding attention.
                “Go ahead.” She mumbled, righting the chair. He watched her fall to her knees and begin picking up the broken pieces of plate.
                The pager filled the apartment with its cold mechanical voice.
Her tears dripped off her chin into the mess of what was dinner on the floor.
                He looked from the pager to her, back to the pager and picked it up.
                 She paused, waiting for him to leave the apartment.
                He looked from her, to the pager, to the door, and back to her and switched off the pager.
                Her shoulders shook. Silently she trembled. Tears poured.
                He left the room, resolved. In the kitchen, his eyes fell on an object in the corner. Glancing over his shoulder, he saw her attempt to wipe her eyes dry as he picked up the object. He walked back into the room. He bent and scooped the remaining mess up into the dust pan in hands.
                She looked up, surprise in her face, a glimmer of hope mixed with fear in her teary eyes.
He met them, unwavering. “I have always, always loved you.”
                The corner of her mouth twitched, and began to turn up.

Saturday, July 24, 2010

New blog, Free stuff

If you haven't got around to checking out my new blog, , please do :]
I'm getting ready to do my first ever give away. Details will be up soon (as in tomorrow or the next day), along with a picture of what's up for grabs.
Sound good?
I think so too!

Friday, July 23, 2010


Yes yes! I am! On my new blog though:

I'm going to give away hand-made lap top carriers! yes indeed.

But not your typical boring solid colors in black and brown.

Oh nooo.

The girly one will have the 50s poodle and leash on it
and the guys... well... Its gonna have an atomic bar cloth design on it if I can find a good one. If not... well, It'll still be fun and retro :]

Unfortunately.. before I can do a good fun give away I need more than one a few followers.

So check it out! I'm only just starting it. But I'll be posting more of fun things to try, and adventures I have and tips for fixin things up. and eventually I'll be making stuff to sell as I start to try my hand at the fashion industry.
and of course I'm happy to answer any questions about anything really!

Thursday, July 22, 2010

From Daughter to Mother

Dear Mom,
I know that this isn't exactly an area of great strength for you, so I'm going to try and keep it simple. That way you can read it really fast and go back out into the sunshine where you do much better.
Blogs are public. The entire point is sharing what you do with people beyond the realms of facebook and other social networking sights.

Really its ok. You don't have to tell me to be careful. I appreciate your concern. But I understand you ALWAYS have to be careful on the internet. So its okay, I'm not putting our address and telephone number out there.

besides. Bloggers are nice.

Slightly odd some of them.

But nice.

Your daughter

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

A Treat For You

It seems I have quite a bit to blog about these days.. But I'm saving some for rainy days.
But I felt like giving my few readers (if they still read?) a treat.

I'm taking an online writing course at a community college and we are often given prompts to write a short story on.

Here's a recent one.


Molly ran a nervous hand through her mousey brown hair. Her mom had pulled her out of school before third period and brought her straight home. Now they were sitting across from each other at the kitchen table. Her eyes were fixed on the granite, studying it as though the texturing held the cure to cancer. Her mother stood and began to pace back and forth on the stark linoleum, rearranging the few items that kept the countertops from being entirely bare.  
Neither of them were speaking.
Molly’s silence was a nervous one. Her mother’s, angry.  It drug on for an eternity while Molly sat on her hands, staring at the tabletop.
Suddenly she heard something light hit the granite.
Slowly she raised her eyes to see the source of the sound.
A large manila envelope.
Her mother shoved it toward her. Her perfectly manicured nails clicking like claws against the table.
“What the hell is this?” Her mother asked. Her voice had a knife- like edge. The envelope was unopened.
Roger Lyman Hospital: Ultrasound Clinic
5687 W. Lyman Drive
Springfield, IL 72843
The return address read.
Molly felt her stomach turn.
“I found this under your bed. Why is there an envelope addressed to you from the ultrasound clinic? Are you pregnant? Don’t lie to me girl!” Her mother was leaning over the table like a predator over its prey.
Molly’s fingers shook as she picked up the envelope. She slowly picked at the top, working paper free from adhesive.
Pick pick pick. Click click click.
“Answer me!” her mother screeched. “I’m not about to have one stupid baby damage this family’s reputation! Your father is running for governor! Do you hear me?”
Molly kept picking slowly at the adhesive. Her hands shook more violently with each passing millisecond. A knot had welled up in her throat, making it impossible to reply.
Pick pick pick.
“Answer me, goddammit!” Her mother snatched the envelope from her hand and ripped off the remaining paper flap from the adhesive. She pulled the papers and tossed aside the first page of type, going straight for the photos.
A puzzled look crossed her face. She flipped back to the first page. Her eyes passed over the words. Molly watched the color drain from her mother’s face.  Slowly the page turned back to the ultrasound pictures.
Abruptly, her mother set down the papers and turned her back to Molly.
Molly reached across and picked up the papers.
Dear Ms. Molly Bartlet,
                The rest of the text faded away.  Terminal   was the only word that remained readable. Standing alone on the stark white paper.  Molly laid down the papers. She felt like she was floating. Spiraling above everything else.
                Somewhere far away she thought she heard her mother sob.

The Great White Way (part 3)

And I'm back! With more fun pictures.

Yesterday we stopped at Top of the Rock, yes?

Well after that I went to Radio City. Which is quite the. place.

Here's what I saw.

A few years ago, Radio City underwent a restoration project, which cost a ton. I forget the exact amount. But this mural in the lobby took the longest to restore. 8 months I think is what our over-enthusiastic tour guide said. Also, anything gold you see is actual gold bar. 24 karot gold. and there is a LOT of it.

The chandelier (and everything else you'll see in the pictures) is the original that the Rockefeller's had put in. Also you'll notice the GOLD ceiling.

Next we were shown to the bathrooms. 

Many of the images on the walls are depicting the arts.

Honestly it felt more like a very fancy dressing room.

Then we went to the stage.
The stage is all run on hydraulics and basically can withstand any weight. The hydraulics can lift the stage from the third level of the basement up to the theatre level.

Basically, no seat is any better than any other seat in this place. There are no box seats or anything. This picture was taken from the last row in the highest balcony.

Technically, we weren't supposed to take pictures of the stage (since it was before the tony's were held) but our tour guide let us.

And then we were off to see where the Rockettes worked.
On the way we passed the design room. They've kept every single costume from every single girl!

And I met Candice, the Rockette.
There are all sorts of height and dance requirements you have to meet to be a rockette... unfortunately, I don't meet any of them.

And this is the guest book that all sorts of famous people have signed.

Then we went off to our shows for the evening. I saw Jersey Boys. Matt Bogart is gorgeous and I actually ended up walking a block with him after the show. Awesome Moment really.

The rest of these pictures basically explain the rest of my last in the city until next year:


Tuesday, July 20, 2010

The Great White Way (part 2)

As promised, I'm back with more on my NYC trip!

So we left off at Ellen's Stardust Diner with Chris and Sean and the wonderful 50s feel at lunch time Day Four.
 After lunch we went to one of the most beautiful places that I've ever been.

The Cathedral of Saint John the Divine. Its non-denominational and has sections honoring just about everything from music and writing to sports and inventors.

Its been 200 years under construction and still isn't finished, but its still absolutely astounding.

It greets you from the street:

Don't you just love the architecture? There's so much detail! And this is only the outside!

Now, the cathedral is the length of 3? football fields from door to massive stained glass window:

Also, The statue of liberty, without her pedestal, can fit comfortably inside it:

Also, its home to the most powerful and largest pipe organ in the world. (8000 pipes in all). There was a fire about 5 years ago and each of those pipes had to be removed and cleaned. They only finished early this year.

It also has the biggest Rose Window in the World. It stands 5 stories high and the Jesus in the center is life-size

And now for other pretty things in the place:

Duke Ellington's Piano

Real golden doors:

One of the four gardens in the four courtyards.

Whew. What a place.

Day Five:
In the morning we picked a tour to take. I chose the Radio City Musical Hall tour and Top of The Rock.
We started with top of the rock (Rockefeller Center). Matt Damon happened to be filming on the very top floor.... but we weren't aloud to see him :'[

They had walls of diamond! like cut crystal diamonds.

Here's me at the top (no, those aren't micro machines!)

And this is the ground level where people ice skate in the winter!

And looking back... and up...very very up...

You know.... I think I'm going to save Radio City and Day 5 until tomorrow. Enjoy!

(oh and check out my other blog. I only just started it, but its gonna be interesting... I hope!)

The Great White Way

Well, having nothing written to share at this particular moment I figure I'll share some things about New York City!

My performing group:

We sing, we dance, we wear sparkly outfits, and we go to NYC!

Every June my group takes a trip to the Big Apple (why is it even called that? there are very few Apples...)
We perform twice and spend the rest of our 5 day trip having a blast in downtown Manhattan.


Day One:

If you get on the Stanton Island Ferry at night this is the first thing you see pulling off.


This is what you'll see behind you.

And finally:

The Ferry doesn't get close enough to get really good pictures of lady liberty. You have to take the Manhattan Island Tour to get those. But nevertheless. You still get to see her. 

Day Two:
In the morning we preformed at Teaneck retirement community:

Then we rehearsed at the Brick Presbyterian Church for the next days performance/recording session. (Did I mention we make a CD while we're there? well... we do!)

The rest of the afternoon was all ours! I went to a street fair and bought this cute jumpsuit thing:

In the evening we went to Broadway shows. And i saw South Pacific in the very first row. I love the show. The whole experience was surreal.

I could reach out and touch the stage: 

Day Three:
In the morning we sang at their church service. It was a ton of fun. Then we went to the parish's strawberry festival.
Strawberry shortcake is different everywhere you go...But I've yet to have bad shortcake.

Then, that evening we went to:

Which is absolutely DELICIOUS. and there are quite a few cute italian men serving you. I wholeheartedly approve.
After we were stuffed full of Italian and Seafood (fresh calamari is amazing)
We walked the Brooklyn Bridge. I don't recommend this to people who suffer easily from vertigo.

I have no fear of heights, but seeing cars rushing by through the slats under my feet was disturbing.

Also, it doubles as a bike path. Theres a walking side and biking side. Stay on your side or else some grumpy tourist-hating native might knock you over.


It was kind of cold up there.

Day Four:
The morning was all ours!

So us girls shopped and then went to lunch.

In Times Square there is a delightful little place on the corner called Ellen's Stardust Diner. A fun 50s style diner where the girls where poodle skirts and the boys wear polos. It's basically a spring board for aspiring actors and actresses and singers. They sing, live, while they serve. Its wonderful fun! And I made some friends!

Meet Chris:

In this picture hes holding the highest note in Journey's Don't Stop Believing for a breathtaking amazing length thiry seconds. We counted. 

Here's wonder-boy again singing an original work:

And here is his youtube channel. He's very funny/awesome. Check him out:

This is our waiter singing You're the One That I Want from Grease. He was pretty awesome too. Very funny. His name was Sean. 

Yes, they stood on tables and danced on seats and jumped over railings. It was the most fun I'd ever had eating lunch.

Heres a bit more of the place:

This place is actual two stories! (everything is built UP in NYC)

I actually need to stop here for this particular minute. I'll post more later this evening, but the rest of the day's events have so many pictures! And this post is already getting very long. So later today tune in for the rest of my adventure!